You Don’t Understand 

When you look at those my age and compare me to them, I know you don’t understand. When you repeatedly ask my why I dont have an interest in my surroundings anymore, I know you don’t understand. When you passionately talk to me about running a company and get frustrated when I don’t show the same level of interest, I know you don’t understand. When you look bewildered as I try to explain how at peace I feel when attending a sermon, I know you don’t understand. When your eyebrows draw together in a frown as you try to picture me surrounded by a group of “ignorant women” wondering what I could possibly glean from that particular set, I know you don’t understand. When you vehemently argue my choice of clothing as “archaic”in favor of more “modern times”, I know you don’t understand.

I know you don’t understand me, Mother; your own flesh and blood changing before your eyes. I know you don’t understand the pressing need that I have to keep going forward in a direction you would rather avoid. I know you don’t like it when I become stubborn and stick to my thoughts; because I know you feel I am wrong and fast on the way to getting lost. 

I know you dont understand when you hear me recount an event from the Prophet’s life, as I try to convince the other to implement it  in his or her life. I know you have trouble recognizing this daughter from the one you had last. I know you don’t understand why I am going down a path that you feel will be full of strife. I know you  fear I will become the very woman we both used to ostracise; I know you fear for me and for you, wondering which direction I choose to change my life. 

I know you don’t understand when you try to convince me to give it all up and just act “normal” like everyone else. But Mum, this is my normal; doesn’t have to fit in or be like the rest. 

I know you love me and get angry when I refuse to accomodate you sometimes. I apologise; my beliefs are greater than the both of us… greater than this life. 

I love you so much, Mum; more than I can ever express. You may not understand me now, but remember that you sometimes have to be very far away from the rest of the crowd… if you want to be one of the best. Peace out. 

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